It's been a pretty long time since I blogged at such unearthly hours.

I'm feeling really pensive today. More precisely, I'm feeling really pensive right now.

It's been bugging me a long time that I'm thinking aloud less and less on this blog. It used to be a sort of sounding-board for my sob-till-you-drop times--but I cannot bring myself to do it now.

It bugs me because I'm a person who needs to think aloud, write things down, ramble on, before I arrive at any semblance of revelation or conclusion. Hence this 'new' hesitation to barf cryptically is eating me alive.

I've tried to do it on a private blog--but that's completely busted. I need an audience--doesn't matter if they actually don't exist. I can't do the soundboard thing in a private blog because I can't talk to myself.

Truth be told even writing this post is posing loads of problems for me.


I know I hardly update--but that's because there are so many things that seem 'taboo' to publish here. I don't like it. But it bugs me more to not know if this is right or wrong.

Maybe I should just lock this up and give the password out selectively. But that is still not very appealing because as much as I need to know I have an audience, I don't really want to know who you are. Makes it a little worse if we're not super close and if we're super close. Best if it's a know-but-don't-REALLY-know kind of audience.

It's a little like I put the comments link here, but I don't really want to see or read the comments, and yet I'll be a little disappointed if there are no comments.

You know it's beginning to sound like some twisted form of escapism. Hur hur.

Aiya, anyway. Grr. Irritating.

Will blog other random mundane updates tomorrow or something. Haha.