Where should I stuff this feeling?

In a shared space that has been abandoned, or a private space where it is unhealthy?

How should I feel receiving knowledge only through public letters?

Knowledge that I feel, I should have been privy to?

It's laughable that I think about how I should feel, even, because, where did that should come from?

Fact is that I should have just typed what I feel/felt. Not wonder what I OUGHT to feel about it.

. I tried not to feel gutted.

It's the knee-jerk feeling of self-protection that kicks in, immediately followed by denial.


So this is the real truth of how I feel: Sad. Surprised. Seized. Slapped. Choking.

Kind of like a What?

Angry, angry, angry.


Am I supposed to accept deeper sharing with friends close friends SHEEP people OTHER THAN ME?

I have hankered at the door, but I don't have the correct question-passwords. Explain to me why you offer privileges they didn't ask for.


I deliberated getting myself out of the loop so I wouldn't have to read it them ? read. Escapism. But seriously, I doubt the strength of my heart.

In a nutshell, I suppose I can summarize and say I'm ...deeply? ha. awfully, hurt.


*[Could be the PMS talking too. After all, things tend to appear more desolate and melodramatic during this time of the month. .]