if you apply for something prestigious that you really really wanted, and you don't get it, how down will you feel?

it's only been like, a week, but i'm still depressed about it. it feels like an eternity of agony and self-pity. i just keep thinking about how lousy i am. or let's put this another way: how i'm not good enough. it seems i'm always not good enough for what i want.

it's really a big blow. especially when a bastard keeps strutting his crap in front of you and rubbing the salt INTO your wounded pride.

i know i shouldn't be thinking about how lousy i am, how i'm not good enough, blah blah blah and yada yada yada but i can't help it.

bottomline is i'm still upset about it. and no one seems to understand how much that meant to me. don't tell me it's ok, because it's simply not ok. don't tell me there are better ones to look forward to, because i really don't have the confidence and courage to apply for anything anymore.

it's hard to convince yourself you're good when everyone seems to think otherwise.