:: outlet ::

i have no idea how i'm feeling now whenever i try to get intouch with myself somehow i lose the connection and after the whole thought process i forget the point i was trying to make with myself in the first place. my mind right now is so boggled up with jello and mud and slime and goo and seaweeds and peanut butter i can't get through the mess to pen down anything for my literature essay at all.

i just want to tell the whole world i'm still awake. not a totally godforsaken hour but still i've got a level3000 essay to write i'm a year 1 student who only took a single literature module before in the previous semester and it's killing me. i sometimes overestimate myself and i guess that is how i always perpertually land myself in such sticky grounds filled with quicksand. i'm in a puddle of pseudo-quicksand right now and there's no one to pull me up even if i'm screaming out loud and bursting my lungs because there's simply no one around.

no one around that i can call right now at this godforsaken hour cuz everyone decent is sleeping or tossing in bed with their own cumbersome problems to sleep upon and ridz is asleep in camp which is no fault of his cuz SAF is just such a loser organization having to be maintained by means of coercion and extreme violation of human rights.

christina rossetti death and desire, tennyson and his many wimps, religious faith and doubt. melancholia, significance of farewell, poetic ambition, mill on the floss, colour symbolism.

they sound as foreign to me as they are to you. oh my god my god what am i to do! i cant pen a single word because every word i dare to type seems to be of such trivial significance and substance to the whole essay and i think about all those intimidating forebearing year2s and year3s sailing through the essay chills my bones wrenches my heart and freezes my mind.

the essay is due at 5pm. god grant me a feverish excuse to postpone this daunting task!