:: bemused ::

i was doing another silly test, test your poetry iQ, and the last page requires you to submit a poem of your own. easy enuff to do -- i simply dug out one of my old poems and stuck it there, since i just wanted the results to the front part anyway.

well no matter what i did, they would say, "we're sorry. your submission contains one or more inappropriate words. please go back and adjust your poem." initially i was quite perplexed -- for one thing i had no profanity. after getting the same stupid message for about 20 times, i'm convinced it's a scam but yet at the same time it just fuelled me to bloody get to the next page.

......and it struck me.

the more we are denied something, the more we WANT it. it doesn't matter WHY we wanted it in the first place, do we NEED it in the first place, we just PLAIN WANT it. it doesn't matter WHAT it is. and the whole irony of it is, we dont even KNOW that we're running into this little whirlpool of human nature.

it's like the book i just finished, the trial by franz kafka. it describes how josef k is accused one day of something he doesn't know about, but he is free to continue his life. instead of going about his daily activities, he becomes obsessed with acquitting himself. the more the Law eludes him, the MORE he tries to gain admittance into it. eventually, he dies.

and isn't that the way it is with us too? think about it, you might not even be aware of it. which is the really scary part.