:: tranced ::

we are just shadows illuminated by a strange light from nowhere. the ghostly darkness leaping against the brick walls. we dun really think, we dun really feel. shut up bitch stop acting. we shouldn't wear masks. life is so mundane. sometimes i sit in this office and wonder..what would i do if i had to spend the rest of my life stuck in this office. what would i do? spend the rest of my life musing abt dreams unfulfilled, love unloved, life unlived. what would i do? sit here on the blue swerving chair, facing my little unit, little personal unit. what would i do? i would go crazy. i want to quit this job now. i dun have to do this. it's draining to be drained intellectually. then i get voices in the back, tellin me that i shdn't quit. why? because it's irresponsible. and welcome to the real world. well guess again. maybe i'm not ready for the real world yet. cuz you know there's a difference between you and me. you've got a living to earn, so you gotta put up w shit. well i got a choice. i wanna live my free unbridled life the way it can be lived while i still have the power to do it. i still have the legitimate excuse to scour around, to bum, to hav fun, to take up jobs as and when i want, and leave as and when i want. this limbo is not a training period for the real world. this limbo is for myself, before the real world comes knocking on my door. knock knock knockin on heaven's door..

but what would you do really? if you were chained to this form of living forever? for the rest of your life, you report to Tuas, or any other desolate spot, doing something you dun like, you dun enjoy, doing something you have to do not because it's a question of honour but because it's a question of survival. what would you do? if you had to repeat the same routine and mundane process over and over again? what would you do? when you start the rat race? chasing ur own tails. what would you do then? when you have to spend the rest of your lifetime Living? i wonder sometimes, this mad and perplexing search. futile?

i lost the words now. the only image in my mind is that of an open, wide, green meadow in the middle of nowhere. but the horizon is tainted with minute tops of urban activity. the purest activity now will always be tainted. i want to get out of this Now.