:: bogged ::

the thoughts juz bloody wouldn't go away.

took a freezing cold shower whilst it's pouring outside. but the thoughts juz refused to be washed away. feel so cold inside now i wish i could juz die. juz die and fade into oblivion. maybe if i juz hug myself hard enough i would disappear. and then everything might juz go away. escapism? it's my philosophy of life. love is truly screwed. it's fucking screwed to be in love at the wrong place in the wrong time. feels so bloody lonely now. juz want to die. right now. i dun cherish life? thats bullshit. i love life so much i want to consume it for myself forever. ha. whose fault izzit? nobody's fault but mine. i led myself on. i led everyone on. the greatest fool in the world is the fool who fools himself. why the hell was i so naive? again? bloody hell gonna be nineteen soon and acting lik some younglings going on to fifteen. maybe if i stand under the shower long enough the thoughts would stop haunting me. maybe i should juz stop thinking so bloody much and juz drift along the river till the next bridge comes along. but one shouldn't follow one's heart. that would finish you off in the middle of your own book.

maybe if i cry hard enough i'd stop feeling so woebegone. the tears would pour in torrents in the mind. but the eyes just couldn't cry. why? because nobody knows a thing, and the only person who knows can't do anything abt it.

tears are watery solutions that evaporate in the hair splayed over the wet pillow. when one stands under the cold running shower, everything else fades away.